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Kate’s been having a rough time

For the past 2 weeks, Kate has been crying every morning when I drop her off at school.

It started because of a change of routine, as some days I could not pick her up after school when I was still at work.

It did not help that the first time the hubs had to pick her, he completely forgot about it! By the time he reached her school, he was half an hour late.

To a little child, 30 minutes feels like an eternity.

She later told me that she was afraid daddy had forgotten about her and left her in school. Besides, she was very, very hungry.

From that day on, she kept saying she didn’t want to go to school anymore and would cry upon arriving at school.

We kept trying to talk her out of her fears and reason with her, to no avail.

After trying to problem solve for 2 weeks, I found out that she has 2 trigger points.

Poor lil Kate

The first is that she does not take to change well.

Her teachers explained that in children around 3 years of age, their sense of order is quite strong. More so in some children, and less in others. For Kate, she has a very strong need for order and her teachers mentioned how on Fridays, she gets out of sorts because they have music and outdoor play, which throws her out of whack.

Her teacher managed to solve this problem by giving her ample time for transition and to pre-empt her before a change in activity.

Thus the fact that it was a different person picking her up everyday, either myself, the hubs, or one of my sisters-in-law, made her anxious.

Her teacher said that like clockwork, at the start of their dismissal routine, she would suddenly burst into tears.

I solved the problem by letting her know the night before who was going to pick her up the next day. Initially, when she asked me in the morning, “Mummy, are you going to pick me later?” I would say yes, or I’ll try. I didn’t know what was behind that question, and that a vague answer made her more anxious.

I also asked whoever was picking her to be there 10 minutes early, so that once she started craning her neck to see if someone was going to be at the school gate, she would spot one of us before the fear seized her.

We did this for a week to reassure her and this stemmed her dismissal meltdown.

Secondly, I discovered that she is very sensitive to tone of voice.

Every time she cried, her teachers would try to gently talk her out of it. When that did not work, they must have talked to her in a firmer tone, and sometimes they got her to sit in the thinking chair in a corner so that she did not disturb the other children while she cooled down.

I’m quite certain that none of her teachers have really scolded her, but to her, even a raised tone is considered to be a “scolding”.

It reached a point where I was asking her to do something and she replied, “Ok, I will do it, but can you ask Ms C not to scold me anymore?” When she responded that way the whole weekend, I knew something was wrong.

She was so fearful of her teacher!

After many, many little talks, she mentioned that she likes one of the new teachers, a soft-spoken, gentle lady.

I spoke to her teachers and they were very understanding, and stopped putting her on the thinking chair.

Whenever she started crying, the new teacher would sit with her and speak to her quietly.

Thankfully, that 2-week crying episode is over.

Even after 6 kids, I am learning something new every time.

I’m just glad I managed to resolve her worries and learnt more about her in the process.

~ www.mummyweeblog.com – a blog on parenting 6 kids in Singapore ~






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School stories #18: Get into the PSLE fray? Not me.

There has been a flood of reactions, opinions and questions from parents since MOE released their new grading system last Wednesday.

Many acknowledge that doing away with the fine differentiation is a step in the right direction but wonder if it will help to reduce stress levels in our children.

Some feel it might get more stressful.

One thing is for sure.

There is no perfect system and it is hard to please every parent.

As for me, I will do no different with Kate than I have done with my 5 other kids.

In fact, it is good news for us because now the choice of school has more weightage than before. It will be taken into consideration not just once, but twice, in the event of a tie.

If Kate so happens to be tied with a few other students fighting for the last place in a particular school, they will look at choice order before putting them in the ballot box.

Although I doubt she will be in that situation because for her first choice, I will likely select a school with an entry point which she can comfortably get into.

I have learnt to look further as there is the issue of streaming at the end of secondary 2.

I made that mistake with #1, where she scrapped in to the school of her choice.

During streaming, she was near the bottom of her cohort and did not manage to choose the subjects she was strong in, which affected her O level grades.

I am waiting for MOE to roll out more information over the next few years to illustrate every single school’s specialised programme and shortlist those within close proximity of our house.

With more details, we parents can make an informed decision to match the interest and learning needs of our children to the distinctive programmes the schools are offering.

Where’s your ladder leading to?

MOE can come up with new grading systems and new criteria, but if mindsets do not change, nothing much will change, and our education system will be as stressful as ever.

 
Before we pour all our resources in the race to the top, have we thought long and hard about whether this is the best ladder to climb?

The worst thing is to reach the top only to wonder if it has been the right ladder all along.

How I have managed to remain calm and not get sucked into the academic frenzy these past 12 years is to look at things from a broader perspective.

Yes, the PSLE is a big exam.

A bigger question I constantly ask myself is, do I need to look past the PSLE?

What are we preparing our kids for?

I don’t know about you, but I am preparing my kids for a future which I cannot foresee.

Hence, I am trying to guide them to be adaptable and unafraid to face challenges.

To be able to think and communicate their ideas.

To see mistakes as learning opportunities and be able to pick themselves up when they fail.

To ensure that they are future-ready, they need to be good problem-solvers, analytical thinkers, with strong interpersonal skills.

I have been trying to build these skills and traits in them from the time they were young through the way I parent and the opportunities I find along the way. However, I have not been able to find a systematic way to do it.

When I met this speech pathologist and discovered how her team of education specialist has been working with children quietly but doggedly over the past decade, I knew that this was the missing piece of the puzzle.

Since I haven’t been able to find a solution to address this need, the next best thing was to come up with a solution!

We have spent the past year working on this new initiative to ensure that the successes she has seen with individual children can be replicated in a group enrichment setting.

It was really interesting how during one of our training sessions, my ex-MOE teacher was sharing that when she spoke to her group of teacher friends about our curriculum, the secondary school teachers assumed that the primary school teachers were teaching such skills while the primary school teachers felt that they already had too much content to teach, and expected (or hoped) that most of their students came with such skills intact.

Therein lies a huge gap we have unearthed.

There is a whole set of skills which are expected of children in a classroom setting, such as being able to pay attention and focus, listening to instructions, planning, prioritising and initiating tasks, displaying impulse control, besides having higher order thinking skills such as visualisation, sequential organization, inference and deduction, perception and memory recall. And the list goes on. 

However, these cognitive skills are not explicitly developed in children and parents only start to see the problems when they enter formal education.

I believe that by giving Kate a solid foundation in acquiring these fundamental executive functioning skills, and equipping her with the right mindset and learning habits, it will set her up for successes in future, whichever path she might choose to pursue.
 
I am really excited to observe for myself the impact of this programme on Kate and how it might shape her learning in a positive way.
A happy learning environment

Kids these days are shunted from school to tuition and learning has lost its meaning.

Children should never lose their love of learning and we make an effort to design our classes to be fun because kids learn best through play, and there is always laughter to be heard around here.

It will be a long yet enriching journey ahead as we guide parents towards this very new concept. In some children, the change may be quite apparent but in others, nothing may seem to be surfacing even though a lot of learning is taking place.

Every child we see transformed, even in small ways, gives us great joy and satisfaction.

As a team, this is what continues to inspire and motivate us in this journey of impacting the next generation of children.

PSLE results: Good or bad, what do you say?
6 tips to choose a secondary school that is right for your child
My teen in a neighbourhood school
PSC Scholarship? Wow
What the PSLE is really aboutWho is behind MOE

PSLE results: A test of the parents more than the child

ECHA – The mother of all awards

School Stories:

#1 – When your son gets into fights in school
#2 – My son the loan shark
#3 – So kids can’t play once they start school?

#11 – How #2 topped her level in English
#12 – DSA. Yet another initiative parents have warped
#13 – Tuition – First line of attack?
#14 – Why do exams have to be so stressful?
#15 – First day mix up!
#16 – The day I forgot to pick my son from school
#17 – No more T-score. Now what?
#18 – Tackling the new school year
#19 – She did it, without tuition.
#20 – So who’s smarter?
#21 – Why I do not coach my kids anymore.

~ www.mummyweeblog.com – a blog on parenting 6 kids in Singapore ~
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A new phase of my life

As I perch on the cusp of a new chapter of my life, I stop to pause, reflect and give thanks.

It feels surreal.

Something that has been brewing for so long has finally come to fruition.

It has been more than a year since I had my first discussion with a speech pathologist about this new initiative, and our enrichment centre is opening it’s doors tomorrow!

Not only do we share the same name, we share the same vision and can almost read each other’s minds from the first meeting we had. I couldn’t have asked for a better partner to start a venture with.

 I have been running at breakneck speed the past few weeks.

Starting the day at 7am, dropping Kate off at school and going in to work with my team for half the day, picking the kids up after supplementary classes and dealing with their issues, sitting down together for dinner at 6.30pm and getting them ready for bed at 8pm. After that it’s back to the computer until around 2am when my brain stops functioning effectively.

On top of that, just this past 2 weeks, I had to deal with one sprained ankle, taking one to investigate her allergies, and taking two of them to extract their teeth and fix braces.

My essentials

To allocate more time for work, I had to sacrifice time with the kids. Thankfully the hubs wasn’t away much and he took over the lunch prep and taxi duties.

Kate has been spending more time with her older siblings which was great bonding for them.

On Hari Raya, #3 was going ice-skating with her friend and she offered to take Kate along. She helped her don her skates, take her in and out of the rink when she needed the toilet or wanted a drink of water and even graded her learning from pushing her around on the seal to holding her hands and skating with her without the aid after she gained more confidence.

There were days when I didn’t dare put Kate to bed for fear of falling asleep and not finishing things I needed to get done before going in to work. She has been really accommodating and would go off and find some jie jie to bunk in with.

It was quite amusing to search the rooms on my way up to bed and see her tucked in different beds depending on which sis it was.

One night, I found her sleeping inside a wardrobe! With the sliding doors open.

#3 had padded it nicely and made it into a secret hideout for Kate. We all had a good laugh the next morning when Kate said so matter-of-factly, “Yesterday I slept in the cupboard.” Oh well, these are the things fond memories are made of.

I really salute all the full time mums who have been doing this for years. It is not easy working a full day and coming home having to deal with the kids and running the household.

There were moments when I was working on the computer in the wee hours of the morning and wondering how I got myself into this busy state.

I guess once the cogwheel starts turning, there is no looking back.
Our signage is up!

I had to be really focused. No luxury of having a conducive environment or being in the ‘mood’ to work.

I’ve picked up a handy skill of being able to whip up my trusty notebook and carry on where I’ve left off.

I’ve worked at the BBQ pit of a condo while waiting for a kid to finish surprising her bff, at the car repair shop waiting to get the tyres fixed, I’ve even worked at mall seats while waiting for the girls to pick up their stuff.

It may sound strange but I am enjoying myself. I have been physically and mentally exhausted raising the kids for the past 18 years, dealing with teenagers and toddlers. At the same time.

Now that most of them are occupied with long school days, I can finally take a break from child-rearing and focus my attention on something I find meaningful.

When term 3 started, the kids asked if I could pick them up from school and I told them they had to take the MRT as I needed to work.

They were more amused than disappointed. “Mum! You actually have work?!”

I’m glad they are proud of me.

They have been seeing me as a stay-at-home-mum and never imagined I had the capabilities to go out and work, much less start a business.

#4 recently exclaimed, “Mum, you actually own nice clothes?”

Talk about tactless kids. I’ll console myself that they are just being direct.

My partner and I are taking this slowly and steadily, not over taxing ourselves or neglecting our families.

The hubs and I opened a spa 14 years ago and we failed miserably. Sars hit us in our 3rd month and hardly any customers came in and we did not have the cash flow to ride it out.

I teach my kids that there is a lesson to be learnt in our failures, but for the longest time, I myself couldn’t see the silver lining in our failed business and sorry state.

We went through a rough patch then, having lost a huge sum of money and with 3 young kids in tow. That time has passed, and the lessons learnt are invaluable to me today as I embark on this new endeavour.

No big capital expenses on rental and renovations but starting small, and focusing our energies on a solid curriculum and the children whose learning and lives we will be impacting.

And one of the most important lessons I learnt was to have a product that we believe in one hundred and one percent and finding the right team to journey with.


We have formed an amazing team which we have chosen carefully based on much more than their resumes. We are aligned with a shared sense of purpose which shows in the great camaraderie and respect we have for one another.

Who says hard work can’t be fun

This is the start of a refreshing and beautiful journey, of us discovering our passions, putting our hearts together to touch children and educate them in a meaningful way, which they can take away with them for life.

One thing I do miss is writing in this space. But now I have a new baby to tend to.


Exciting times ahead!

~ www.mummyweeblog.com – a blog on parenting 6 kids in Singapore ~
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A big step towards Inclusion, beginning with our young

Last month, Lien Foundation commissioned a study to find out if parents support the idea of inclusive education.

The findings showed that although 71% supported the idea of inclusive education and 69% believed in the benefits of inclusive education, only 53% said they are comfortable with their child being classmates with someone with special needs.

And interestingly, just 1 in 10 said they felt certain how to interact with children with special needs.

Photo credit: Straits Times online

Kate had a special needs child in her class when she was 2. Their class size was really small with 2 teachers to 6 students.

Her teacher was relating to me that initially, when Kate saw the boy slowly inching his way to get to a book, toy or work, she would move faster than him and get it before he did.

She would give a smug look like, “Beat you to it!”

For Kate, being the youngest of 6, that was an achievement because she always lost out to her older siblings.


Instead if chiding Kate, her teacher gently explained that her classmate is physically weaker than she is and she should be thankful for what she has, and in turn be more understanding and help him whenever she can.

The teacher was proud to say that once that was explained to her, Kate understood and never rushed for the same toy henceforth.

When they sit at the reading corner together and he gradually leans and falls onto her shoulder, she will not push him away but tries to accommodate him. She became protective of him, like a big sister.


Young children are naturally non-judgemental, compassionate and altruistic yet it needs to be nurtured.

Unfortunately at times, the adults display negative modelling out of ignorance. Only when there is understanding, can there be acceptance and inclusion.

I remember one of the first activities we had to do as occupational therapy undergrads was to sit in a wheelchair and navigate the huge and bumpy campus.

It put us in the shoes of those who are wheel-chair bound, and we were the ones who had to face the subtle looks from our peers. From that experience, we began to gain an awareness of the challenges that faced them.

It is indeed wonderful that Lien Foundation will be developing the first inclusive preschool in Singapore, together with the Asian Women’s Welfare Association, and that it is already over-subscribed. I was excited to read from their press release that:

There will also be a fascinating playground with an elevated tree-house that is fully accessible by wheelchair, and a sensory garden for water and sand play which will be open to the public after school hours and during school holidays.

The preschool will be one of the iconic developments within the Integrated Community Space at Redhill. It will not only serve the special needs community, but also children and families living in the vicinity. We are creating opportunities for our children to experience for themselves and learn from young that we can build an inclusive society where we appreciate each other’s abilities.

It is human nature to shun that which we can’t comprehend.

For when we are able to see that we are not the same but the same, to love, regardless, our society will be a better place for all.

Kate has been privileged to have the opportunity to have her eyes and heart opened.
~ www.mummyweeblog.com – a blog on parenting 6 kids in Singapore ~
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Kate’s 1st Show & Tell

Last week, Kate’s Chinese teacher was briefing them about their Show & Tell and asked who was ready to present on Friday.

A few of the older kids raised their hands and the teacher noted down their names and instructed them to go home and practice their lines.

Kate also raised her hand to indicate her interest although I am quite certain she did not fully understand the requirements of presenting a Show & Tell.

In fact, she might have raised her hand just because the other kids were doing so, not knowing what was going on.

As she is new to the class, her lao shi told her that she will have her turn the following week to allow for ample time to prepare.

Kate nodded her head even though she probably only understood half of what her lao shi was saying.

Friday came, and the kids who were allocated to do their Show & Tell deposited their items in the basket at the front of the class.


Kate followed suit.

As the kids were called one by one to go up, Kate kept bobbing up to look at her lao shi and at the basket.

After all the kids on the list were done, there was still 1 item sitting in the basket.

As the lao shi turned to scan the students, Kate looked straight at her and raised her hand.

She asked Kate if the toy was hers and Kate said yes and went up to the front.

Of course she had no idea what to say as her command of Mandarin is limited to songs and simple words, but she gamely stood there holding her toy.

I am glad her lao shi did not turn her down because of a lack of time but allowed her to have a go.

She asked Kate to repeat after her in Mandarin, “My name is Kate. Today I have brought a toy, etc etc.”

Kate repeated sentence after sentence loudly and confidently.

I could still see the lao shi’s amusement while recounting the story.

She said Kate has courage and a willingness to learn which should be encouraged.

For some children, the greatest hurdle is to get them to stand in front of the class while for others, it is to speak up audibly so that everyone can hear.

Kate doesn’t seem to have any problem with both!

At home, I told the older kids what had happened and we were all tickled by the story.

I simply had to find out what was going on in her mind.

Me: Did you do Show & Tell today?

Kate: Yes!

Me: How do you do it?

Kate: You raise your hand to tell lao shi, bring your toy, put it in the basket and wait for your turn.

Me: That’s it?

Kate: Uh-huh. Very easy.

We all burst out laughing.

Kate’s idea of Show & Tell is “Bring your toy to show your friends” and lao shi will do the rest.


~ www.mummyweeblog.com – a blog on parenting 6 kids in Singapore ~



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Discipline #8: What do you do when your 2-year old lies?

I was caught off guard when Kate’s teacher informed me that she had told a lie. I have to admit that in my earlier years of parenting, when faced with such an awkward situation, I would have either fumbled for a reply, made some excuses or doubted the teacher. My kid? No way! There must have been some mistake.

Instead, I remained calm and wanted to know the whole story so that I could figure out how to deal with it. This was how it went.

Uh-oh

Kate had taken a new activity to play with, and her Chinese teacher asked if she had been taught how to work with it. Kate immediately replied, “Yes.” Her Chinese teacher knew it was not the case and asked who had demonstrated it to her. Kate responded, “Ms Sha”, without batting an eyelid. Ms Sha overheard the conversation and walked over. Kate knew her lie had been exposed and looked down, afraid to look into Ms Sha’s eyes. Her teachers took the opportunity to teach her that lying is wrong.

The thing was, we were shocked that a 2.5 year old knows how to lie so blatantly!

On the way home, I reiterated that it was wrong of her to lie. However, I knew deep down in my heart that the problem lies with us, not her. After all, little kids imitate and absorb what they see and hear.

At dinner, I told the rest of the family what had transpired that day. The kids were old enough to point out that “adults also tell white lies, even you and daddy, so that must have been where she picked it up from”. They recounted many instances where the truth was not spoken.

  • You always say, “Everyone is going”. (to a child, everyone would literally mean every single person. Ok, I’d better wipe that one off my list of constantly used words.)
  • Dad tells whoever we are meeting that “We are almost there” when we had just left the house. I heard Uncle T say that last week too.
  • Aunt J always promise us that she’s coming to visit soon. But she never does.
  • You said you’ll be back in 15 minutes. You lied.
With 5 “witnesses” to our daily behavior, the examples came fast and furious.
 
I had nothing so say. The kids were right.
 
The next day, I was on high alert to what I was saying and what others around me were saying to Kate.
  • Kate spotted the Crocs shoes her cousin passed down to her and wanted to wear it. As we were going to the mall (we try not to allow Kate to wear Crocs on escalators), our helper said, “Cannot”. Kate persisted. “I want”. She quickly replied, “Cannot. Got lizard poo poo.” Kate said “Where? Let me see.” (of course, there was none.)
  • The girls were eating sweets and when Kate asked for some, they replied, “No more.”
  • I went home and found #5 quietly giving Kate his snacks (which are too salty for her) and when I boomed, “Why are you giving her the pretzels?”, he said, “Just a few.”. I’m sure she had way more than a few.
  • There were countless instances where words came out of my mouth before I realised they were not the absolute truth.

I noticed a pattern here. We instinctively try to shade the truth to avoid her whining or crying, so that we don’t have to deal with it. Unknowingly, we taught her to lie.


It’s not about her.

It’s about us.

It’s about me.

So. Where do I go from here?

I’ve decided that I’ll start focusing on improving one parenting skill at a time until I conquer it. Then I’ll work on the next one.

Here’s the first:

SPEAK THE TRUTH.

Anyone joining me?



Here are some good tips on how to help your child deal with lying, over at Life’s Tiny Miracles blog.

Other discipline tips (which I’ve learnt after having 6 kids):

Discipline #8: What do you do when your 2-year old lies?
Discipline #9: When the gramps can’t say ‘no’
Discipline #10: 6 Tips to stop tantrums in toddlers

Discipline #11: Who has the energy to discipline our kids

~ www.mummyweeblog.com – a blog on parenting 6 kids in Singapore ~
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School Stories #9: I didn’t even know my child was being bullied,until…

You would have heard about the ex-RGS girl suing her alma mater for her suffering while studying there. Enough talk has been going around, but what surprised me was the narrow definition of bullying which the school adopted. The “school policy defines bullying as involving hurting, frightening or intimidating others using power of strength while cyber bullying includes the sending of hateful messages.”

 I am glad that my daughter’s school held a broader definition of bullying and the teachers were vigilent in dealing with such cases.

 When she was in P4, she was the victim of bullying but I didn’t recognize it. I associated bullying with being physically attacked or extorted from. Only after this incident did I learn that bullying can take on different forms, including verbal, emotional, sexual and cyber. Some of these can be just as, or more damaging to the victim, and usually harder to detect. I asked if she was ok with me sharing her story and she said yes.

In P4, she was streamed into a new class and started forming a close friendship with 3 other girls. Amongst them was a more domineering girl (let’s call her D) who became the ‘leader’. After a month or so, D started to ostracise her and the other 3 followed suit. They would gang up against her and talk behind her back. It got to an extent where D told the entire class not to let her join any of their groups, be it during PE or in class project work. She was treated like an outcast. 

I listened to her tales and offered some suggestions on how to handle the situation. I guess none of them worked and it seemed D was adamant on making life miserable for her. I encouraged her to be strong and to be understanding. I explained to her that it was possible that her behaviour stemmed from her insecurities as D has a slight physical deformity. It dragged on for several weeks and she became more reticent. I thought it would blow over as it was common for girls to have such ‘friendship’ issues, but instead it got progressively worse.

 
Thankfully, I met her form teacher during the parents-teacher’s meeting and the topic happened to be raised. Her teacher was saying how quiet she was, and I mentioned that she doesn’t have anyone to talk to and the story unravelled. She got very alarmed and told me that it was a case of bullying and D was wrong to incite the entire class to alienate her.
 
Her teacher took it very seriously and dealt with it immediately. She had a talk with the 4 of them, with D individually, and with the class. She also told them that they were to welcome her into their groups. It was the boys who quickly included her and they couldn’t even recall how it came about that they joined in to exclude her.

 I shudder to think how much damage could have been wrecked on her emotionally if the issue had failed to be recognised or resolved. Being the victim of bullying can lead children and teenagers into depression and even the contemplation of suicide.

 As parents, we can help by having constant communication with our children and to take their concerns seriously. Some kids may not be willing to open up which makes it more difficult to address. We can only try and be on the look out for clues such as changes in their behaviour, frequent physical malaise like stomachaches / headaches, or a sudden reluctance to go to school. I am really thankful that her teacher handled the situation in a tactful, caring, and professional manner.

PSLE results: Good or bad, what do you say?
6 tips to choose a secondary school that is right for your child
My teen in a neighbourhood school
PSC Scholarship? Wow
What the PSLE is really aboutWho is behind MOE

PSLE results: A test of the parents more than the child

ECHA – The mother of all awards

School Stories:

#1 – When your son gets into fights in school
#2 – My son the loan shark
#3 – So kids can’t play once they start school?

#11 – How #2 topped her level in English
#12 – DSA. Yet another initiative parents have warped
#13 – Tuition – First line of attack?
#14 – Why do exams have to be so stressful?
#15 – First day mix up!
#16 – The day I forgot to pick my son from school
#17 – No more T-score. Now what?
#18 – Tackling the new school year
#19 – She did it, without tuition.
#20 – So who’s smarter?
#21 – Why I do not coach my kids anymore.

 

About MummyWee

Michelle Choy is an Occupational Therapist by day and mum of 6 by night. Besides the already very demanding job of managing 5 teenagers and one 7-turning-17 tween, she is also Founder of The Little Executive, a nurturing centre to develop children in areas like resilience and executive function, to survive today’s volatile world. She is also a parenting coach and has been featured on national TV, radio and print media.

 

~ www.mummyweeblog.com – a blog on parenting 6 kids in Singapore ~
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6 tips to choose the right preschool

Kate has just started preschool. Hooray for mummy! I have chosen a school near our home, one that is cosy, with a small enrolment. She will start off with 3 hours a day (8.30 – 11.30am), moving on to 4 hours as she gets older. I find this timing perfect as she comes back and has her nap from 12-2pm.

These days, the range of preschools available is simply mind-boggling. Besides the PAP, church-based and Montessori ones, there are the play-based, right-brain-left-brain, Emilio Reggio, and ‘branded’ preschool chains with long waiting lists.


So how did I go about choosing the one that suits Kate best and what advice do I give my friends who ask me this million-dollar-question? Having had the experience of putting the 5 older kids in 4 different preschools, here are 6 things I would suggest you consider.

Security checkpoint

1. Your priority

To begin with, you need to sit down with your spouse and decide what are the top 3 priorities you want out of a preschool. The truth is, there is NO preschool which is the best. Yes, I know all parents want the best for their child, but every preschool has it’s pros and cons, with different philosophies and approaches, and other factors as well.

It is virtually impossible to compare apples to oranges. For example you might really like a particular preschool’s curriculum but it may be very far, or the only available slot is the afternoon session when it is your child’s nap time. Which ranks higher on your priority scale? The curriculum? Protecting your child’s natural nap schedule? Or having proper sit down meals at home? (I know of preschool kids who have their meals in the car as they get shuttled to one preschool in the morning and a different one in the afternoon).

Then there is the option of either choosing a childcare or kindergarten. If you need the childcare option, it is simpler as you rule out the kindergartens. However if there is someone at home taking care of your child, you can either choose to enrol your child in a kindergarten or if you like the curriculum in a particular childcare, you can choose the half-day option. There are government subsidies for childcare centres but not for kindergartens.

What I advice my friends to do is to jot down their priorities. Do you prefer more play or more academic work? More emphasis on Chinese? Outdoor play everyday? Extras like speech and drama? Aircon or non-aircon? I personally prefer a non-aircon environment as it minimises the spread of viruses going around.

After listing it all down, rate it in terms of priority. Then try and match it with the preschools you have shortlisted.

Without knowing your priority, you will be easily swayed when friends tell you they heard that this school is very good, or that school has a long waiting list “so it must be good”, and you will be confused all over again.

2. Distance

Once you know what you are looking for in a preschool, you can start checking out the available options closest to your home, office or parents’ home (depending on your family’s transport arrangements).

Personally, I will never drive from one end of the island to another as I believe there are no schools out there way above the others to warrant the inconvenience and time wasted, not to mention having the child endure the long commute every single day. I would rather use the time to have a proper sit down breakfast together or let the child have enough sleep and be well-rested.

Instead, I will try to achieve the desired outcome with different means. For example, if my top priority is to immerse my child in a Mandarin speaking environment but the reputable preschool which is strong in Mandarin is too far away, what I could do is to engage a native Chinese university student to come over twice a week to converse with Kate. That’s 2 hours free babysitting as well!

3. Teachers

I have seen how teachers have impacted my 5 kids (both positively and negatively) during their kindy years, so this is also one important aspect to consider. As the child is very young, the teachers who are in direct contact with the child is very important for 2 reasons.

Firstly, it takes a young child time to get used to the teacher before she builds a bond with her. If the teacher keeps changing every few months, it will be unsettling for the child. Secondly, as the child is unable to articulate all that is happening in school, if a teacher is not treating the child well, we may not know what is happening until much later. Thus I would choose a school where the teachers genuinely care for the children.

Insider tips to find out if the teachers are good? The best way is to ask friends or neighbours with kids already in the school. If not, go earlier or linger around after the scheduled appointment with the principal and see how the teachers interact with the kids and if they look happy (yes, both the teachers and the kids). I will also ask about the teacher turnover rate, and would not put my child in a school with a high turnover rate.

4. Curriculum

I firmly believe that young children should be guided to open their minds at this early age. They should be exposed to a lot of different experiences, topics, modalities, and of course a lot of play and experimentation. I would not choose a school where there is too much desk time and worksheets. It is easy for teachers to simply hand out worksheets and get the kids to sit quietly to do pencil work.

I would choose a curriculum where the teachers are actively engaging them, telling them stories, singing, and getting them to explore. As they move into Kindergarten 1 and 2, the focus will gradually be more on acquiring the skills and knowledge for primary school, hence there will be more table work, which is understandable. However, I would still expect them to be taught to think, be creative, and have ample opportunities for hands-on experiences.

5. Good fit for your child

When my son entered preschool at 2, I knew I had to send him to a different school from his 4 older sisters. Being a very active boy, there was no way he could sit for 30 minutes in a big group of 20 listening to the teacher standing in front of the class. In the end I opted for a Montessori close to our home as he would be free to roam and explore and to learn via a more hands-on approach.

When he was in K1, I decided to switch him to a different kindergarten because he was now ready to sit for longer periods of time. It was not that the Montessori system is no good, but gradually, the one that he was in was filled with children of one particular foreign race and they interacted with one another and left him out. None of them spoke Mandarin and the Mandarin lessons were conducted mostly with English translations, so I decided to move him. He settled down immediately and made new friends on the first day. Having seen that, I am of the opinion that it is fine to change preschool if there is a problem as most kids are able to adapt very quickly.

In fact, I made the mistake with #3 which I regret. In her K2 year, the teacher resigned due to health reasons. Most of us parents decided not to pull our kids out as we thought it was just 7 or 8 months left and they would miss their friends, and have to get used to a new school all over again. The replacement teacher left within a short few months. At that stage, a handful of her classmates switched to other schools. We stayed on. The next replacement teacher was pretty dismal as it was hard for them to find a good teacher at such short notice during the year end. In the end, #3 “wasted” almost the entire K2 year and hardly learnt anything at a time when other children were going full steam ahead in preparation for primary one.

6. Look beyond the hype

It doesn’t necessarily mean that those branded preschools with many awards such as “Best preschool 2014” are really the best. I found out that to be awarded the ‘best’ preschool, one of the criteria they looked at was the percentage increment of enrolment in that year. Hence, a new school that started with just a handful of students would find it much easier to snag that title compared to another which is already running at full capacity. Even within the same chain, different branches can vary significantly, depending on the owners/principals (if they are franchises), the management, and the teachers.

Sometimes, the curriculum which has been drafted sounds absolutely amazing, but can they really carry out what they promise? The delivery of the curriculum is critical, and is an important factor that most parents overlook.

Some centres are decked out with interactive displays, fancy gyms, or child-sized pretend play centres. The school might look very impressive, but if the ‘software’ is not there, I won’t be taken in by the ‘hardware’.

Sane tip: I much prefer small to medium sized schools where the teachers have been there for ages (better still if the teachers are the owners and they started this school because they were very passionate about early childhood education). Because to me, preschool is a time when their natural love of learning should be nurtured, in a safe and happy environment.

Save tip: It doesn’t mean that the more expensive the fees, the better the school is. Sometimes, the big brands have a huge marketing budget to portray a professional image, but in reality, the quality is similar to a more reasonably priced preschool.

Hope this helps to navigate the maze of options out there.


Related articles:

6 tips to choose a primary school for your child

6 tips to Really prepare your child for P1


~ www.mummyweeblog.com – a blog on parenting 6 kids in Singapore ~