Postnatal depression is real

Hearing about the mother jumping to her death with her newborn in her arms was just so heart-breaking. Mental illness is still a hush-hush topic. It shouldn’t be, and mindsets need to change.

We need to raise awareness and remove the taboo surrounding depression so that new mums have the courage to seek help. I was planning to share my own experience and was heartened to see a fellow mummy blogger Justina from Mum in the Making post on her Instagram accountDepression is NOT a dirty word, where she shared her own battle with PND and encouraged other mums to do so as well.

When #1 was born, we were studying overseas and did not have any help at all. Besides the usual household chores of cooking and cleaning, we were studying full time and had a newborn on our hands. With no experience and no advice from anyone, all I could do was to read books on getting baby into a routine. They were not particularly useful and I did not know at that time that her crying had almost everything to do with her lack of sleep.

She cried all the time and had to be carried. The hubs would try pacifying and rocking her, but when she cried incessantly for hours on end, he gave up. On days when the hubs was at school the whole day, I carried her until my arms ached and in desperation would plonk her on the bed while I went into another room to cry. I didn’t know what to do with this baby who was driving me insane. I was waking up every 2 hours to feed her and I went to classes exhausted. Besides all that, I had many other concerns weighing on my mind.


There were these community huts where we took #1 for her regular check-ups. I remember the nurse doing the usual developmental milestone checks for her and she gave me a questionnaire to complete.

I still remember what she said to me, which was very cryptic at that point. “Oh dear, we would like you to come in again in a week, not so much for bubs, but for you.”

It was only a year later while working in the mental health community hospital that I understood. I was looking through the different questionnaires for depression and chanced upon the same one that I did. I roughly remembered my score and was stunned to discover that I fell under the moderate to severely depressed category! Every time I went to the cosy little hut, the nurse would have a chat with me about our situation and my concerns, and those were counselling sessions!

Imagine what new mums have to go through. Apart from the rollercoaster of hormones after the birthing process, there may be extreme physical changes and pain to deal with, and external worries such as work and childcare arrangements, added responsibilities, expectations, and even clashes in child-rearing philosophies with the grandparents. The list is endless. Plus round the clock demands of tending to a new baby who doesn’t come with a manual.

These unexpected emotions and avalanche of changes may be overwhelming, and mothers need to be reassured that there is nothing wrong with them and they should talk to somebody about it and ask for help. I have heard stories of how some mums had thoughts of harming their baby or even trying to fit their baby into the rubbish chute before suddenly ‘waking up’ and being shocked at what they were about to do.

Just as motherhood is a beautiful experience, it can also be a lonely and terrifying experience. No one can understand exactly what we are feeling nor going through. And sometimes we need to put on a brave front and soldier on because we want to shelter the other kids from our stress and not give our family members undue worries.

The motherhood journey is not easy. Yet in this journey, we rediscover ourselves. The depth of our love, the layers of our being. If you were to ask me now, after having 6 kids, do I regret it? Despite all the pain and difficulties, the answer is a firm no.

Let us open the conversation on depression and acknowledge that it is real and could happen to any of us.

May we find support in our families and communities and draw strength from other mothers.

May we walk with open eyes and outstretched arms to see another mum’s needs and provide support where we can.

~ www.mummyweeblog.com – A blog on parenting 6 kids in Singapore ~

Where can I find happiness?

I remember having a happy childhood, surrounded by family and friends. Dad worked long hours but mum was a stabalising presence at home.

As a teenager I went through the typical phase thinking that happiness could be bought, only to discover it is short-lived – until the next purchase.

The greatest challenge came when we started having kids and the past 18 years have by no means been easy. In my toughest and darkest moments, I struggled to find meaning in the sacrifices and sufferings of those early years.


On hindsight, it taught me so much.

It shaped me into who I am today. It made me strong.

Living life at survival mode with the 5 older kids, it dawned on me that happiness could be found in the simplest of things and hey, I lived to tell the tale, share my experiences, and hopefully inspire others along this journey of life as parents.

I have been fortunate to enjoy the past 4 years since Kate came into our lives, seeing the world through the lens of a child. It was a breather for me, to recharge body and soul.

The next few years will be rocky, in many aspects. My parents are past their 70s and this is the first time seeing dad hospitalised. Soon, they will be unable to care for my brother which adds to their burden.

As a mother, your worries never end. Slowly but surely, I will have half a dozen teenagers on my hands. Our childrens’ joys are ours, their sadness, multiplied a thousand times in our hearts. The paths they choose to walk may give us sleepless nights. I need to brace myself emotionally.

I have been pondering things the past few weeks, and worries started to surface.

Someone shared these lines, and it has redefined happiness for me.
Being happy is not having a sky without storms, work without fatigue, or relationships without disappointments.

Being happy is finding strength in forgiveness, hope in one’s battles, love in disagreements.

It is not only to treasure the smile, but to reflect on the sadness.

Being happy is not an inevitable fate, but a victory for those who can travel towards it with your own being.

It is not only to cross the deserts outside of ourselves, but still more, to be able to find an oasis in the recesses of our soul.

In your spring-time, may you become a lover of joy. In your winter, may you become a friend of wisdom.

Happiness is not about having a perfect life but about using tears to water tolerance, failures to carve serenity, obstacles to open the windows of intelligence.

These words shine like a ray of light.

We can find happiness in the bad, as much as the good.

At church, one of my kids asked, “Why is Good Friday good when Jesus suffered and died? It should be called Bad Friday.”

It is precisely because of Good Friday that the miracle of Easter Sunday is celebrated.

As much as laughter and joy will flow, so will tears and pain.

I am not afraid. In darkness and despair, I shall find peace.

And when the storms blow over, the bright hues of the rainbow will be appreciated like never before.

Other lessons (which I’ve learnt the hard way):

Lesson #15: What are we worth, mums?
Lesson #16: What do you do when you get sick of parenting?
Lesson #17: The tragedy of our society

Lesson #19: Are we slowly killing ourselves?
Lesson #20: What does it take to keep a marriage going?

~ www.mummyweeblog.com: A blog on parenting 6 kids in Singapore ~

What a day out with #1 taught me

Continuing on from my car-less saga, I spent last Saturday with #1 around town. She accompanied me to a book launch after which we grabbed a simple lunch followed by a trip to Spotlight.

We ate at a hippy-looking eatery, and the self-service ordering process was so complicated that #1 had to decode his questions and ended up making the decisions about what toppings, sauces or sides I wanted.

Too many choices to be made under pressure in dim surroundings. All too much for me. I felt like an auntieBut it was a lovely mummy daughter meal sans little kids blabbing non-stop.

After making our way through spotlight, I was beat and ready to head home. At the bus stop, she checked her phone and announced that the bus would be coming in 7 minutes.

Oh yes, bus apps. That was nice to know.

The bus came promptly in 7 minutes, and after chatting for a bit, I fell asleep. What a nice change from me driving and people falling asleep behind me! I was gently woken up by #1 whispering, “Mum, wake up.”

I opened my eyes and noticed that it was pouring.

Oh dear. It was a far walk home and we didn’t have an umbrella.

“Don’t worry mum, I’ve already called an Uber and it will be here in.. (checking her app) 2 minutes.”

Surprised at her quick thinking, I was glad, but wondered if it was a waste of money since it was just a short ride in to our estate.

Reading my mind, #1 added, “It’s just 1 cent! There’s a promo.”

Really?! Wow.

I looked up at her.

Suddenly, I felt small. My kids can now take care of me?

The way technology is taking over our world, soon I will be reliant on them, and not the other way around.

It was a humbling moment.

The memories of those years of screaming at them and punishing them in mean ways go stand outside the door if you cannot abide by the rules of this house! or no going to the playground for a month! where I was boss and they were at my mercy, came flooding back.

I was a monster mum.

It was only many years later that I learnt the proper way to discipline them. To guide them gently yet firmly, and always with love.

Ice cream night

Thank goodness children are forgiving.

I still trip up at times, and just last night, #5 was testing my patience, refusing to pack his bag and get ready for bed and I ended up yelling at him, something I haven’t done in a long time.

Kate came next to me and said, “Mummy, don’t shout. You will lose your voice and then you cannot talk to me.”

That calmed me down instantly!

I need to constanly remind myself that the other kids are watching and how I respond will be they way they learn, imitate and treat their younger siblings and children in future.

Other discipline tips (which I’ve learnt after having 5 kids):

Tip #8: What do you do when your 2-year old lies?
Tip #9: When the gramps can’t say ‘no’
Tip #10: 6 Tips to stop tantrums in toddlers
Tip #11: Who has the energy to discipline our kids?

~ www.mummyweeblog.com – a blog on parenting 6 kids in Singapore ~ 

The day I had no car

We had car troubles and I couldn’t send Kate to school. I asked her to wait for her cousin to pick her up to go to school together.

“No mum, let’s walk to school!” she said excitedly.

So off we left at 7.45am with me dragging my feet. What an irony.

I was half prepared for her to complain that she was tired or ask for rest stops along the way. The last time we walked out to take a bus was a year ago, and it took us a good hour to reach the bus stop!

Surprisingly though, it turned out to be a really pleasant morning stroll. She was in such high spirits and pointed out lots of interesting things along the way.

Kate: Mummy! Look at that! Is THAT a dinosaur print?
Me: Do you think it is? How big were dinosaurs?
Kate: Really big!
Me: So could that be a dino footprint?
Kate: No. What is it?
Me: It’s the footprint of a… *suspense*
Bird!
Her eyes were glistening, as though I had pulled a bird out of a hat.
Kate: Yes!! It is! It is!

And the questions came fast and furious.

“How did the footprint get into the ground?”

“Why did the bird fly down? Was it looking for food?”

She was so absorbed in the moment, marvelling at the discoveries around her.

Ah, what it’s like to be a child, with the gift of wonder.

Hearing her questions made me smile. I did not give her answers but guided her and gave her space to arrive at her own conclusions.

I love her thinking mind and hope that her curiosity never gets dampened.

Best view up front

Even though it was a long walk out, she was hopping and skipping and enjoying herself. Her cheer was infectious and it lifted my mood. Instead of trying to hurry her and deposit her off in school so that I could head in to work, I decided to enjoy the time with her.

A mindset shift from this is wasting my time, I have so much on my to-do list to being present to her and enjoying the morning made me feel much better.

Oh well, I could change my plans and work from home.

When we finally reached the bus stop, I told her we were going to take the bus to school as it was still a really long way away and she was overjoyed. To her, it was more interesting than being in a car.

After dropping her off at school, I made my way home and found #1 in the kitchen trying a healthy recipe my friend had just taught her.

Just mash some ripe bananas, crack an egg in, and stir in flaxseed meal. Viola, healthy homemade pancakes.

Yummiest strange looking pancakes
I realised how rare it was for me to have breakfast with #1 alone, and rarer for her to cook for me! We had a lovely conversation and I was reminded how time flies. In almost a blink of an eye, Kate will be standing before me like #1, grown up, with her own life, own opinions and thoughts.

Our kids are ours only for a short time, to shape and to guide. I hope never to have regrets of not being there enough for them as they are growing up.

~ www.mummyweeblog.com – a blog on parenting 6 kids in Singapore ~

Life Lesson #21: Are we slowly killing ourselves?

We are just into the second week of January and I need a break. A vacation. The kind where you don’t bring the kids so you can chill at a secluded beach, let the sound of the waves wash over you, and let your mind wander.

It’s been a pretty full-on week. On top of working full-time, I squeezed in a JC Open House, charity event, orthodontic visit, church group discussion and met up with friends over dinner. And then there’s the weekend with a meet-the-principal session, University open house, two birthday parties and a dinner. All while juggling the kids.

We are trying to fit too much into our lives, aren’t we?

I was telling some mums who were concerned about their kids being over-scheduled that they are like sponges. There is only so much they can absorb and everything else will spill over.

It is no different with us. We are rushing from one place to another. Have we stopped to think about our lives? The quality of it? Our connection with others? Our connection with our kids? Are we always barking at them to hurry up? Ferrying them from one activity to another without spending time with them? Do we know what is on their minds and in their hearts?

It’s funny how every time someone asks us, “How are you?” Somewhere in our answer will be “Busy lor, with work, kids, and whatever million other things we have on our plate.”

Since when has being busy become a badge of honour?

Have we given much thought about how we really are feeling? C’mon, there’s so much to do, who has time to stop to think if this is what we really want our lives to be, or if we are deep-down-contented happy.

There are bills to be paid, a household to run. And say, if we did reflect on how our lives are going, do we have the luxury to stop, if we find this is not how we want to live our lives?

#2 has been doing the JC Open house rounds with her schoolmates these past few days. They have 4 days to make a decision and fill in their 12 choices. She invited me to join her to check out her top choice (yes, now mummy can’t just barge in to the teenagers’ activities).

It was a vibrant scene. The aspirants were eager-faced and excited to join the big new JC world and the seniors and teachers were enthusiastic in answering their questions and encouraging them to join the school.

As I looked around the bustling hall filled with students, parents and teachers, as much as a part of me felt joyous that #2 will be embarking on a pivotal and memorable 2 years of her life where they will study hard, play hard and form solid friendships, I had a nagging feeling.

What have we, as a society, driven ourselves to?

Hearing about how hectic their week is going to be made me wonder if there can be another way.

Seems that for the subject combination she intends to choose, classes will end at 5pm most days, and CCAs are at 5-7pm on 2 days. #1’s school was along this bus route, and even though it is 4 bus stops away, during peak hour the buses don’t stop if they are full. Thus we expect #2 to be home between 7-8.30pm. Given that they leave the house at 7.30am, that is longer than a working day for adults! Factor in dinner, shower and homework, and it is beyond what a healthy day should look like.

I’ve heard from many that the weekends are not spared, and they spend it catching up on sleep, revising their work or meeting classmates for group work. My uncles who have been teaching in JCs for the past 30 years concur that times have changed and things have become much tougher than when we were in JC.

It is the same story for #1 who is in poly. She leaves the house at 8am and on days when she has CCA, she is back at 10pm.

This, my dear friends, is our school and work culture. We start over-scheduling our kids when they are in pre-school, the schools take over that job soon enough, and we enter the workforce where it is the norm. Somewhere down the line, we pause and wonder, how did we get here? This is not what I envisioned my life to be.

It is like the speedometer where you rev the car, the pointer is going up up up, and we keep revving, until it reaches the red point. It is no surprise that we have kids attempting suicide. There is only so much a person can take.

Something is seriously wrong. We are advancing so rapidly, but getting nowhere.

What can we do?

How can we slow down?

What can we cut out?

Running at full speed for months on end with only 2 long breaks in a year is hardly sufficient. How can we put more weekly breaks into our schedules so we don’t become over-stretched. Both as parents, and for our children.

As parents, we don’t even get the break we need (and truly deserve) during the weekends. There are still children to tend to and activities to get done.

I don’t have the answers. It is even harder for us with big families as things are multiplied and magnified. The good, the bad, the busy.

All I know is I need to not stop searching for a better way. I hope never to fall into the trap of going with the flow and end up feeling tired, overwhelmed and dejected. Because if we, who are supposed to be the pillars for our children, are ourselves overburdened, how can we support them?

Everyone is running on their own treadmill. In a big family, yes, there are more siblings to share their worries and keep an eye on one another, but there are also more children, more unique personalities and a higher probability of one falling through the cracks. And I only have so many hours in a day, and too many kids who need my attention (although I hear the same cry from parents with only 2 kids!) I do worry.

I guess I’ll start with baby steps. Spending time in silence always helps me to recalibrate. I need to be intentional about scheduling that at the end of every week to remove the build up of stress that has accumulated over the week of madness. And I have to engineer the weekends to be rejuvenating, instead of cramming too much in. Some things have to be relinquished.

The big question is, which ones?

You know what comes to mind? The story of the frogs. The one where if you throw a bunch of frogs into a pot of boiling water, they will jump out. But if you put them in water and slowly boil them, they wouldn’t know any better as the temperature slowly creeps up on them.

Are we slowly killing ourselves?

Other life lessons (which I’ve learnt the hard way):

Life Lesson #2: Don’t over-sacrifice
Life Lesson #4: My bucket list
Life Lesson #6: Passion vs Family
~ www.mummyweeblog.com – a blog on parenting 6 kids in Singapore ~

Tackling the new school year

We made it! The first week of school has come to an end. What a week it has been. With the exception of #1 who is in the middle of her poly semester, there were lots of changes for the other kids.

We toned our activities down on Sunday and the younger ones were in bed by 8pm. I was all psyched and set my alarm for 5am.

I felt like a chef in a restaurant after watching Ratatouille too many times with the kids, and I’m proud to say I surpassed my own expectations! Managed to whip up a tasty and wholesome meal in 20 minutes and the kids wiped their plates clean and left for school in a jolly mood.

First day of school breakfast

We did not have a harrowing start with bag mix ups and mad bus chase like last year, but things did go downhill from that perfect morning.

With several kids and new routines, that is hardly surprising.

#4 started Sec 1 in a school in our neighbourhood, and she decided to walk home. We have driven past that direction on numerous occasions and she was confident of finding her way home and was unfazed by the 40-minute trek.

However, she got lost!

She was dismissed at 4pm and I had a call half an hour later. I told her to sit and wait at a bus stop and we would come get her after Kate’s enrichment class ended.

She waited for more than an hour at the bus stop and needless to say, she was famished and tired. What an end to Day 1 where she was already feeling lost as there was not one student from her previous school and everything was new and strange.

At dinner, the older girls shared their first day of secondary school stories, which included both laughter and tears.

As for little Miss Kate, we had it all planned. We opted for extended day and she would stay in school till 3pm for afternoon activities. That would give me more time to work and I wouldn’t need to rush around so much. She herself asked for it as she said she was a ‘big girl’ and wanted to stay back with her friends.

After the first day, although she did brilliant, she refused to stay back anymore and wanted to revert to the same 12.30pm dismissal as 2016. Perhaps the reality was not what she imagined! Did she envision just hanging around and playing? Possibly.

Sigh, it would have been a perfect arrangement. That one day of having her at school for the whole day spelt freedom! Having time from 9am to 3pm all to myself to work in peace was something I haven’t experienced in many, many years.

Alas, she is not ready, and I shall not push her. After all, in the big scheme of things, she barely turned 4, and I will wait patiently and give her space and time to grow more independent. We’ve managed to squeeze in time for our short daily strolls to unwind and chat, and that is something she looks forward to.

“Pretty flower for you, mummy?”

#2 is awaiting her O level results and it was funny seeing her at home on a school day. Next week! Such exciting times! To see where the next step of her education will take her. She’s been such a dear and came down to my centre to help with the cleaning and packing as we prepped for the new year.

#3 has moved up to Sec 3, and has a new set of classmates as they were streamed into the different subject combinations. It’s going to be 2 of her most important and memorable years as she and her peers head full swing into preparing for their SYF performance, focusing on their chosen subjects, enjoying their school trips together, and form unbreakable bonds for life.

As for my one and only dear son, it’s unbelieveable that he is already in P5. Seeing what #4 went through, I imagine the pace in school to pick up tremendously this year and I have to monitor his progress as well as make sure he is able to cope with the added demands of school.

Now that they are all nicely settled in school, I have time to devote to my work and do what I enjoy.

Speaking to the parents coming through my enrichment centre, I can see the tide turning and in the wake of the recent suicide cases, parents are worried about stressing their kids too much and are searching for a better way.

We are running parenting workshops over a relaxing high-tea session to share tips and ideas on how to help our kids tackle the academic year successfully with less stress. It will be an interactive talk with lots of opportunites to answer your questions.


School Stories:

#1 – When your son gets into fights in school
#2 – My son the loan shark
#3 – So kids can’t play once they start school?

#11 – How #2 topped her level in English
#12 – DSA. Yet another initiative parents have warped
#13 – Tuition – First line of attack?
#14 – Why do exams have to be so stressful?
#15 – First day mix up!
#16 – The day I forgot to pick my son from school
#17 – No more T-score. Now what?
#18 – Get into the PSLE fray? Not me


~ www.mummyweeblog.com – a blog on parenting 6 kids in Singapore ~

A new era in Education

Ever since starting my enrichment centre 3 months ago, the focus of my days have taken on a new dimension. Besides seeing to the needs of my kids, I’m immersing myself in rich research and surrounding myself with other people’s children. Life couldn’t be more enriching!

During our September holiday Astronaut camp, I was hanging around making sure everything ran smoothly. Even though I wasn’t teaching them, the kids came up to me with comments and questions.

I was drawn in and became more and more involved, as it was impossible to resist these innocent faces and incessant questions, and found myself thoroughly enjoying being with them.

As an incidental discovery, I’ve found the answer to a contradiction which had baffled me for years. At every PTM, my daughters’ teachers would tell me how well-behaved they are, what a delight it was to teach them, and all of them won model student awards.

Yet at home, they came nowhere close to this brilliant picture painted and the hubs and I concluded that they had the Dr Jekyll-Mr Hyde syndrome.

Now that I’m on the other end, I tell parents what a pleasure it was to have their child with us, how well-behaved and well-mannered they were, and the parents are surprised and divulge that such is not the case at home.

Ah! I’m concluding that children know how to be on their best behaviour in front of teachers they like. I had some of the P1 and P2 girls coming in half an hour before camp started because they wanted to see if there was anything we needed help with. Such sweet darlings. It is such a joy to teach other people’s children! I’m one of those mums who find it impossible to teach my own kids. Tempers will flare and the relationship risks being ruined, so I don’t even try anymore.

What’s that machine?

When you have a bunch of riveted, absorbent minds watching you (notice how Kate is the only one not bothered with me) knowing that what you say and what you do will have a great impact on them, that knowledge and responsibility is at once astounding yet humbling.

Of all the sayings I’ve come across about teaching, this one struck me greatly.

“To teach is to stand on hallowed ground.”

How sacred. We have the potential to mold hearts and minds.

Memory work
Children at every age present so much for us to marvel at. The pure emotions of the little ones, the wide eyes and the quick smiles. The inquisitive minds of the older kids and their desire to do their best. Facilitating them, encouraging them to work together, to go beyond their comfort zone, seeing them grow in a short span of a few days, there was a tangible reluctance all around when it was time to part.

Besides the holiday camp, Kate has been following me down to my centre and she enjoys the weekly classes. Although I wish our team could churn out curriculum fast enough to include #4 and #5, I’m glad that at least 1 of them gets to benefit from this whole new approach towards learning.

After 10 years of disappointment at our education system for being mostly concerned with teaching to the test (although now I understand the constrains), and believing that there must be more that can be done to impart real education to our children alongside content delivery, I am finally heartened to discover that there is a way, and we can bring that to a new generation of children.

In the process, I have been learning a lot (embracing life-long learning!), reading voraciously, and picking the brilliant minds around me. My dear partner, Michelle, never fails to inspire me with her passion and dedication towards the development of children, and her generosity of mind to share with us her special gift of deciphering every child’s learning needs and identifying how gaps can be closed and potentials stretched, so that as a team, everyone grows along and becomes strengthened as educators.
Patterning activity

Our activities may look random, but each activity is backed by scientific research and careful thought has been put into designing it for the best learning outcomes, while disguising it as play as that is the form kids learn best.

Take for example this activity at last week’s session, where Kate was developing her sequencing skills. It might look simple, but patterning and sequencing is such a critical skill. By encouraging kids to spot patterns, they can create and use patterns to make sense of the world where there is none; by providing order in chaos.

All about patterns. Patterns are one of the first ways we see predictability, hence allowing us to make educated guesses. In school, patterns are essential for Math (basic patterns), Science (life cycles), English (reading) and social relationships (cause and effect), to highlight simple examples.

Do you know that out of all mental skills, pattern recognition is said to have the highest correlation with general intelligence? Imagine that.

Ever wondered why IQ tests and the GEP tests are full of patterning questions?

Although patterning is taught in school, here it is taught as a skill, instead of being part of a subject.

Therein lies the difference. As such, our children understand that patterns exist in an infinite number of situations, vis a vis being exclusive to a particular subject. They also come to the realization that their actions can affect and impact patterns, and create or break them. Powerful realizations.

The problem in schools is that we teach too specifically, hence students are not able to apply theories across subjects and their knowledge does not expand past the classroom walls.

Mastering pattern recognition requires persistence and practice, and the younger the child starts, the better. Experts go so far as to predict that the younger the child is able to observe patterns in his environment, the stronger their future thinking skills will be. (I’m going to expect great things from Kate!)

Besides that, with each activity, not only are we developing the essential skills, we incorporate positive learning habits and encourage a growth mindset; core tenets of our approach. Kate’s teacher noticed that whenever she is presented with a task which she found challenging, she would use avoidance tactics and ask to go to the toilet or ask for permission to look for me (what a convenient excuse).

Her teacher makes a conscientious effort to guide Kate to adopt a different approach to facing challenges, and by gradually building up her confidence and sense of achievement by small successes while praising her efforts, Kate will be on the path to a more positive learning attitude.

Analogies worksheet

When Kate moves on to K1 next year, she will work on analogies, which is more than just an advanced form of patterning.

What is analogical reasoning? Analogical reasoning is one of the quickest way we learn new concepts and make sense of things by comparing them to what we already know. It is a core cognitive skill that contributes to general fluid intelligence, creativity and adaptive learning capacities.

In fact, studies have proven that analogical reasoning is a significant predictor of mathematical reasoning. Thus we can think of these as the building blocks for a strong foundation in academic studies. More compellingly, analogical reasoning may help students become more innovative, adaptive and intelligent; qualities our children require to forge ahead in future.

I don’t know if this fascinates you, but the fact that there are activities which can be done and approaches which can be applied to shape our children’s brains and learning in such a powerful way, simply blows me away.

It is as though I have uncovered some hidden treasures that I have almost lost hope searching for. The more I am discovering, the more I want to delve deeper, and the journey is doubly exciting with a team of like-minded educators as we deconstruct findings and reflect on the processes.

Looking back on how my life has unfolded, there were times when I was in two minds about whether to go back to work as an occupational therapist or become a stay-at-home-mum and relatives talked about how my overseas education was ‘wasted’ as I stayed home to care for my 6 kids. Fortunately, my parents were 100% behind me and never once complained.

On hindsight, education is never ‘wasted’ and coupled with the experience and wisdom gained through my parenting journey, I am where I am today, and although never planned, it feels so right doing what I do, and everyday I am energised and ready to go! Life has turned out marvellously.

I have also had the opportunity to meet some of my readers and work with their children, and that has been wonderful as well.


More: Reviews of our holiday camp.

~ www.mummyweeblog.com – a blog on parenting 6 kids in Singapore ~

How do you respond when your child falls?

Kate’s teacher related an incident at school, and commented that she is very brave.

She had accidentally dropped a toy on her toe and it bled.

She winced but did not burst into tears.

Her teacher noticed that whenever she falls, she would just pick herself up, and asked me if that was because she was the 6th child. Tough and resilient.

I think how a child reacts has a lot to do with the way the adults respond.

Kate was a few months old when our helper, Mary, came. Every time she fell, I don’t know who shrieked louder. The child or the helper. Sometimes, Mary’s loud scream scared her even more than the fall itself. Mary would run over, pick her up and sayang (pacify) her effusively.

I told her not to do that as her response only served to make her cry even louder so that she will be showered with more attention.

Tripped and fell
Thinking back, my mum had an even more ridiculous response when the kids fell and cried.

Once, one of the older kids knocked her head against the side of the table and cried uncontrollably.

When all soothing words failed, my mum tried to distract her by hitting the table loudly saying, “Naughty table! You hurt my little girl.” Grandma and toddler ended up hitting the table repeatedly together, scolding it for her mishap.

As that response worked to stop the child from crying, my mum would do that whenever any of them fell and cried. Be it the floor that was naughty, the door, or some poor innocent toy. I can still picture in my mind’s eye many a ridiculous scene with grandma and toddler admonishing some inanimate object.

With Kate, I have stopped my mum from doing that and explained that it will teach her to adopt a blaming or victim mentality. I got hurt, it’s your fault. Always somebody else’s fault.

The hubs, on the other hand, has his own method of dealing with it. He would try to console them for say, 10 seconds, but if they continue to sob, his patience would run out.

“That’s enough. You’re a big girl/boy. Stop crying. It’s just a little cut.” And that was that. They would have to get on with it, no matter how much it hurt.

It might stem their crying quite quickly, but it is not very healthy for them emotionally as they will bottle everything inside.

My teens and I were having a good laugh recently when they read something off social media.

When a child falls, the caucasian mum will go, “Honey are you alright?” Followed by hugs and kisses.

A Singaporean mum would scream, “Run la! Run some more!” (rub it in, shall we!)

I’ve had a lot of practice dealing with their scrapes and scratches, and with Kate, I’m now as cool as a cucumber.

She was running in the mall and fell face forward on the ground. The s-p-l-a-t kind of fall. The adults around her gasped and waited for the wail to follow and the rush of hands to grab her up.

Silence.

For 3 seconds, no one moved.

Kate looked at me, and I gave her my yes, I know you can pick yourself up look.

She got up, dusted herself and came to me for a big hug.

I asked her quietly “Does it hurt?” She nodded, and because her hurt was acknowledged, she didn’t need to cry loudly to make it known. “Where is the pain?” She pointed to the few places where she hit the ground.

I kissed her to make it better and she was as good as new.

The adults looked at me and smiled. Seriously. They stood there and watched the whole ‘show’.

I guess the bigger lesson for them to learn is that even if in future, they fail or fall, they will be able to pick themselves up.

~ www.mummyweeblog.com – a blog on parenting 6 kids in Singapore ~