Last weekend, I went for a semi-silent retreat. I finally found the answer to a question that had been bugging me for a while now. After volunteering at the hospice, I knew that at the end of the day, all that mattered in life was people, not wealth, nor status. But how to go about my day loving those around me? With Kate entering the very (and that’s an understatement) challenging ‘terrible two’s and #1 moving full swing into the unchartered teenage years, I found myself living in compartments of ‘loving them’ and ‘not loving them’ moments. I was only able to love them when they were well-behaved, showing love to one another or being really cute/looking angelic while fast asleep (that applied to Kate). And for the past few weeks, it seemed like the ‘not loving them’ moments greatly outnumbered the times when I could really look at them and feel great love for them. And our house definitely didn’t feel like a haven of love and peace.
|Beautiful quiet grounds|
At the retreat, I learnt to ‘measure our lives in love’. That sentence spoke to me immensely. I realised that I was measuring my life by all sorts of yardsticks, so it was no wonder that at the end of the day, I was frustrated and felt like I had been a horrible mum. Especially if the siblings fought a lot that day, or if the whole day had been ‘wasted’ and we didn’t do anything productive. And I was really drained at the end of most days.
As I was writing this post, #4 came and wanted to show me how she braided her hair in a new style which she just learnt. Normally I would be annoyed because I was interrupted, and even though I would talk to her, deep inside I wished she would hurry so that I could go back to what I was doing. However, this time, I gladly stopped what I was doing because now I saw it as another opportunity I had in that day to love. So I turned to her and gave her my full attention. She gayly demonstrated her new technique, gave me a kiss then skipped away.
Just a tiny paradigm shift, but it has transformed the way I relate to the children and to everyone around me. With this sentence as my guiding principle, everything became crystal clear to me. If I could love them with all my heart each moment of the day, in all the good AND the bad, then those moments would become days, and the days become years and the years would become a life lived with love and in love.
Other Thursday lessons (which I’ve learnt the hard way):
Lesson #8: A lesson on sincerity taught to me by #1
Lesson #9: Passion vs Family
Lesson #10: Finding our children’s gifts and talents
Lesson #11: Teach our children compassion by little actions
Lesson #13: 6 common sleep mistakes for babies
Lesson #14: How to talk to boys vs girls
Lesson #15: Ban books? What are you gonna do about phones?
Lesson #16: What have we done to our children?
Lesson #17: My son the loan shark
Lesson #18: 10 House Rules for Gadget Use
Lesson #19: Why we went on holiday just before the PSLE
Lesson #20: What must kids do for us to stop pushing them over the edge?
Lesson #21: Who’s selfish? The kids or me?
Lesson #22: Confronting death teaches you about life