I gave a talk to 80 families whose babies turned 18-months old. That stage feels like so long ago. My eldest is 18 years old! Gosh, did 18 years just evaporate like that? I asked myself: What would I have done differently?
I would have enjoyed them more.
I was hung up on certain things and was too engrossed in wanting to bring them up ‘properly’. I was chatting with the hubs, and he has a whole different outlook of their early years.
He really enjoyed their company, and if he could turn back time, he would love to have a bunch of 5 little kids again. Initially when I heard that, I was going to jump at him with the “That’s because I did all the work while all you did was play with them” line. However, as I mulled over it, it dawned on me that it was up to me how I chose to see the ‘job’.
I saw the tantrums, the mess, the challenges. He saw their joyful responses, the spontaneous cuddles, the happy laughter. That’s not to say he did not discipline them – he is the disciplinarian in the house. Rather, he never let one part affect another, nor his mood, which I tended to do.
I would make time for myself.
A short walk around the block, a phone call to a good friend, a book in the park. I lived with a “not enough time” mentality for many years. I didn’t even have time for a decent shower, let alone coffee with a friend.
Finally, I took a 2-week pilgrimage with my mum as she’s getting old, and turns out, they could survive without me! I should have given myself permission to take an hour or so every fortnight, or even 15 minutes every day to care for myself. It would have helped my sanity tremendously in those trying days. A happy, recharged mum would definitely make a better mum, don’t you think?
And most importantly, this is what I would do differently.
I would discipline them with love.
To discipline is to teach, and because guiding them was a huge part of raising these little people, I swung from a patient, loving mum to a yelling monster, sometimes in the span of minutes and sometimes it became a daily occurrence. With 5 kids under the age of 10, you can imagine how often my patience got tested.
With Kate, I have finally learnt that you can still love your child while in the midst of disciplining them. It was such a radical experience for me, to come from a place of peace and love, standing firm with her boundaries, without feeling my anger or frustration rising with each passing second! It starts with awareness and gets better with practice.
Since I can’t turn back time, I can only share these hindsight notes with you 🙂 Happy parenting your little ones!
Tip #6: Ban books? What are you gonna do about phones?
Tip #7: 10 House Rules for Gadget Use
Tip #8: What do you do when your 2-year old lies?
Tip #9: When the gramps can’t say ‘no’
Tip #10: 6 Tips to stop tantrums in toddlers
Tip #11: Who has the energy to discipline our kids?
Tip #12: What a day out with #1 taught me